As yesterday’s picture of the day, I posted a picture of a pair of black Skullcandy Uprockheadphones. The reason I had to use them yesterday was that I’d misplaced my Koss Porta Pro headphones at my in-laws place and commuting to and from work without music would be a real drag.

I bought the Uprock headphones a while back when my previous pairs of Porta Pros malfunctioned and I needed something with a microphone to use with my mobile phone. After a while I replaced the Uprocks with a new set of Porta Pros because they simply sucked monkey balls. How much they sucked, I’d totally forgotten until yesterday when I had to use them again. As a public service to you, I’ve compiled a list of issues with the Skullcandy Uprock headphones so that you don’t have to make the same mistake I did and buy a pair.

• The sound is absolutely terrible. It’s flat, uninspired and in some cases entire instruments seems to be gone from the audio. The treble reproduction has a lot to be desired and even the simplest sounds often drown.
• Properly fitting the Uprocks to your head and ears is totally impossible. The headband can’t be adjusted in any meaningful way and while each of the on-ears extends and extracts a bit, the headband is still too wide to fit properly on my head. That said, I don’t have a particularly large head, but I’m pretty sure I’m not that far below the average size.
• That the headphones can’t be adjusted in a way that actually make them fit to a a-bit-blow-average-size male head rise a number of issues. Firstly, the Uprocks easily slide off my head. Secondly, I can hear my own footsteps while walking and listening to music. Thump, thump, thump. Fairly annoying.
• The design of the headphones makes them impossible to use in any kind of wind. As soon as you’re hit by even the smallest breath, it sounds like you’re in the middle of the perfect storm. The wind hitting the headphones make a high pitched sound that often drowns the actual music you’re listening to.
• The on-ear exciters will make your ears sweaty. Awesome.

The suggested retail price of the Skullcandy Uprocks is $29.99. For that amount of money, I don’t expect a AKG or Bose quality product. But the Skullcandy Uprocks are so unbelievably useless I wouldn’t even recommend you use them if you get them for free.