It’s the first of the month, which means there’s time to add some more one-liners to the ever-growing collection. The majority of the one-liners this month is lifted form Mr. One-Liner.

• “To some its a six-pack, to me its a support group.” - Leo Durocher
• Hard work is its own reward, but wouldn’t you rather have the money?
• “If you can’t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you’d best teach it to dance.” - George Bernhard Shaw
• If I can be of any help, you’re in worse shape than I thought.
• I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
• I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
• “When all men think alike, no one thinks very much.” - Walter Lipman
• If you do something you’ll regret in the morning, sleep till noon.
• I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
• Speaking your mind isn’t the same thing as using it.
• “A movie critic is like a legless man who teaches running.” - Channing Pollock
• “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” - Woody Allen
• “By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task overwhelm me.” - Ashleigh Brilliant
• It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, and fewer still to ignore someone completely.
• My ex-wife’s other car is a broom.
• If you think there is good in everybody, then you obviously haven’t met everybody.
• “The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” - Robert Byrne
• “The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.” - Terri Garey
• People will follow your footsteps more readily than they will follow you advice.
• How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?