Here are the new one-liners for November:

• I’ve found that people tend to leave you alone after they’ve seen you eat mashed potatoes out of your coat pocket.
• My kids get along great when they’re sleeping.
• Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.
• Call me a hoarder all you want, but there’s over 700 hours of free AOL on these discs.
• Time moving too slowly for you? Schedule something you don’t want to do and it’ll speed right up.
• The tea party my toddler invited me to feels more like a hostage situation.
• Posting opinions on the internet is like fishing for people to tell you how wrong you are.
• I’m tired of people assuming I’ve got a good personality because I’m ugly.
• Why are stupid people so confident?
• I miss the days when FarmVille updates were the most offensive thing you could post on Facebook.
• A sane person to an insane society must appear insane.
• Only fossils should have their minds set in stone.
• For someone who hates the circus, I sure have dated a lot of clowns.
• Sure it sounds bad when you phrase it exactly the way it happened.
• The problem with teaching children to think for themselves is they might come to disagree with us.