November One-Liners

New additions to the one-liners collection. This time it’s low blows and word play all the way.

• I walked into the bedroom and tripped on the wife’s Bra. It was a booby trap.
• I think the Japanese flag is really a pie chart of how afraid they are of Godzilla.
• Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
• Whoever said money doesn’t grow on trees has obviously never sold weed.
• With great power comes great electricity bill.
• Don’t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
• In university I was going to join the debate team, but someone talked me out of it.
• I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it.
• I don’t know if liquor is the answer, but it’s worth a shot!
• Current relationship status: Made dinner for two. Ate both.
• I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
• Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he’ll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
• Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
• Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
• Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
• Time is a great healer, but a terrible beautician.