It’s the first of May, which marks both Labor Day, and the addition of a couple of new one-liners to the collection.

• Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain’t so.
• The lack of money is the root of all evil.
• I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
• The Public is merely a multiplied “me.”
• A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
• Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.
• Help a man when he is in trouble, and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
• Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
• Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.
• Dark humor is like love — not everyone gets it.
• How long is a Chinese name.
• He who hesitates is not only lost, but also miles away from the next exit.
• I once farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
• Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
• The fact that there is a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic load.
• I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.