Here are a few additions to the one-liners collection:

• There is a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it’s not a train.
• Of course men can multitask, they read on the toilet.
• A beautiful relationship does not depend upon how good we understand someone but on how well we avoid misunderstandings.
• If you need time alone, try cleaning the house.
• If I never had a bad day, how would I know whether I was having a good day?
• Looks capture the eyes. Personality captures the heart.
• Sometimes we all have days where we are 386’s in a P4 world.
• “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than by the ones you did.” - Mark Twain
• “Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.” - Confucius
• “If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?” - George Carlin
• If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
• I’m in shape. Round is a shape, isn’t it?
• Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
• Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?
• “I wonder why you can always read a doctor’s bill and never his prescription?” - Finley Peter Dunne
• Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
• Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
• You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.
• “I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.” - W. C. Fields