A brand new month must be celebrated with some brand new funny one-liners. These are mostly lifted from the virtually bottomless pit of well-known Unix fortunes. Enjoy!

• “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” - Groucho Marx
• “Don’t take life so serious, son, it ain’t nohow permanent.” - Walt Kelly
• “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” - Charles Schulz
• “Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.” - Terry Pratchett
• “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery’?” - Jay Leno
• “I base my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.” - Gilda Radner
• “I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.” - Jack Benny
• “Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them.” - Will Rogers
• Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
• “The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper.” - Thomas Jefferson
• The world really isn’t any worse.  It’s just that the news coverage is so much better.
• Don’t stop to stomp ants when the elephants are stampeding.
• “Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.” - Woody Allen
• He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another’s mishap.
• “He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.” - Lao Tsu
• “He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.” - Lao Tsu
• If you find a solution and become attached to it, the solution may become your next problem.