It’s the first of the month, which means there’s time to add some more one-liners to the ever-growing collection.

• “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln
• “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” – Charles de Gaulle
• “The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.” – Edward Abbey
• “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
• “Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.” – Yakov Smirnoff
• “To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.” – Thomas Paine
• “If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?” – George Carlin
• “Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” – Mark Twain
• “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” – Daniel J. Boorstin
• “I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.” – Peter Cook
• “Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” – John Barrymore
• “If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti
• “Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.” – Sam Ewing