It’s the first of October, which means it’s time for some more funny one-liners. If you like these, the entire collection might be of interest.

• “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” - Stephen Bishop
• “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb
• “Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.” - Dilbert
• Playing with a toddler is half play and half self-defense.
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• Life is what happens outside your smartphone.
• If a guy remembered your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small breasts.
• An architect’s dream is an engineer’s nightmare.
• Bad choices often turn into good stories.
• Some people dress to impress, some people undress to impress.
• Someone is going to be that guy that dies a few minutes before we discover immortality.
• My life is a constant shift between trying to fall asleep and trying to wake up.
• Whatever you do always give 100 %, unless you’re donating blood.
• “People shouldn’t be afraid of their government. Governments should be afraid of their people.” - Alan Moore
• If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
• “In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - It was the worst 20 minutes of my life.” - George Best