It’s the first of the month, which means there’s time to add some more one-liners to the ever-growing collection.

• “I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.” – Billy Connolly
• “To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.” – Doug Larson
• “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.” – George Bernard Shaw
• “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.” – Cullen Hightower
• “Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
• “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” – George Carlin
• “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!” – Steven Weinberg
• “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.” – Laurence J. Peter
• “Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.” – Sydney J. Harris
• “It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.” – Navjot Singh Sidhu
• “Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need.” – Will Rogers
• “A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.” – George Bernard Shaw