A new year is upon us! I hope you had a great 2018, and that 2019 will be even better. In any case, here are few new funny one-liners that have been added to the collection.

• Spend some time staring at the stars. It feeds the soul and revives the mind.
• “I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.” - Mark Twain
• “The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.” - Mark Twain
• Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
• The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.
• Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
• Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
• Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you’re slowly looking worse.
• How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
• I named my dog 6 miles so I can tell people that I walk 6 miles every single day.
• An optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that it might be true.
• Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?
• Learn from yesterday, live for today and have hope for tomorrow.
• The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.