February One-liners

A new month means a couple of new funny one-liners added to the collection. Here are the new additions for February:

• There’s nothing wrong with the younger generation that twenty years or so won’t cure.
• “Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.” - Steven Tyler
• Everyone believes in heredity until their children act like fools.
• I’m so old that when I was in school, history was called current affairs.
• Practice makes perfeckt.
• Never put off until tomorrow what you can forget about entirely.
• I used to be lost in the shuffle, now I just shuffle along with the lost.
• “The less you talk, the more you’re listened to.” - Pauline Phillips
• “Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.” - Victor Borge
• “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” - Johnny Carson
• “We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time.” - Vince Lombardi
• “A year from now, you’re gonna weigh more or less than what you do right now.” - Phil McGraw
• “Some things are so unexpected that no one is prepared for them.” - Leo Rosten
• You cannot take charge of the present if you are busy reliving the setbacks of the past.
• “I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.” - Lily Tomlin