December One-liners

It’s the last month of the year. But no need to sulk! Here are the funny one-liners (and some clever ones) for December. Remember that the entire collection always is at your fingertips.

• Alcohol: The fuel used in the engine of bad decisions.
• “It is easier to stay out than get out.” - Mark Twain
• It’s hard to escape from your inner critic, especially when it never shuts up.
• “Buy land, they’re not making it anymore.” - Mark Twain
• Dracula is a myth created by Big Garlic.
• It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right. Alcohol IS a solution.
• There is a certain freedom in having nothing left to lose.
• Friendship should not be sought, but is usually found both by chance and good luck.
• Don’t make someone a priority, who only makes you an option.
• Sometimes we all have days where we are 386’s in a P4 world.
• It is okay to visit your past just don’t bring any luggage with you.
• A politician is the one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
• They told me I was gullible, and I believed them.
• Life is too complicated in the morning.
• “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” - Bill Watterson
• “I have such a high regard for the truth that I use it sparingly.” - Timothy Connor
• !false (It’s funny because it’s true.)
• “A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event.” - Angela Barnes
• “I wonder how many chameleons snuck on to the Ark.” - Adam Hess