February One-liners

A new month means a couple of new one-liners added to the collection. Here are the new additions for February:

• The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
• “I find that people who believe we might be living in a computer simulation tend to be people who I could imagine being simulated most easily by a computer.” - Joi Ito
• If you cannot explain something in simple terms, you don’t understand it.
• When someone asks me if I’m seeing anyone, I automatically assume they’re talking about a psychiatrist.
• “There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.” - Mark Twain
• “The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.” - Mark Twain
• “Um.” - First horse that got ridden
• A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
• I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
• My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
• Everything is edible, some things are only edible once.
• Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
• Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
• Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.
• “An escalator cannot break, it can only become stairs.” - Mitch Hedberg
• “Race is just a pigment of the imagination.” - Glen Highland
• “I have nothing to declare except my genius.” - Oscar Wilde
• “I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.” - Bill Murray
• “Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.” - Stephen K. Amos
• “I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.” - Alfie Moore
• “How do people make new mates? Asking for a friend.” - Steve Bugeja
• “People say I’ve got no willpower but I’ve quit smoking loads of times.” - Kai Humphries
• “Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it’s all over much too soon.” - Woody Allen