August Strindberg was a Swedish playwright, novelist, poet, essayist and painter. Born in 1849, Strindberg passed away in the Spring of 1912, leaving behind an impressive legacy of over 60 plays and more than 30 works of fiction, autobiography, history, cultural analysis, and politics. Strindberg might be a big name in Sweden, and perhaps I would have known about him if I had any interest in modernism.

But I’m a simple man. August Strindberg was a total unknown for me until I accidentally stumbled across his Twitter account. That a guy who’s been dead for over 100 years has a Twitter account, might be a bit weird. But it’s not uncommon. Albert Einstein, for instance, is at it, despite the fact that he passed away in 1955. He’s also somehow managed to get his Twitter account verified from beyond the grave. Quite impressive, but Einstein did dabble in time travel, after all.

These are all my English translations of the some of the many Swedish tweets from fake Strindberg’s account. It’s not possible for me to tell which are actual August Strindberg quotes, and which are made up by whoever is maintaining the account. Because of that, I’ve decided not to attribute them to the author, since some (or all) are not quotes by the real August Strindberg. We wouldn’t want to spread lies and misinformation on the internet, would we? Of course not.

But enough chit-chat, here’s a couple of (fake) “August Strindberg” one-liners:

• Life is better with a dirty imagination.
• I used to be sober. Now I’m an author.
• Don’t let your loneliness drive you into the wrong arms.
• Good night, friends and enemies! Don’t forget that tonight you’re closer to death than you were this morning.
• This liquor tastes like I’m taking tomorrow off.
• I don’t use drugs. I am a drug.
• My middle fingers gets erect when I’m thinking about you.
• Women are like bacon. They smell great, taste amazing, and kill you slowly.
• Sometimes I’m normal, but I quickly tire of it, and become myself again.
• I’m too intelligent to be happy.
• You look like I need another drink.
• The only regret I have in life, is that I didn’t tell people to go to Hell earlier.
• I’m orange juice, and you’re tooth paste. May we never meet again.
• She wanted to meet again. I told her I don’t water dead flowers.
• Don’t give your heart to someone who needs a brain.
• A sea of liquor can’t intoxicate me as much as a drop of you.
• Dear Santa. I realize I have a lot of explaining to do…

If this has sparked your curiosity, and you want to learn more about the late August Strindberg, why not go to Stockholm and visit the Strindberg Museum? Admission is 75 SEK only. Open Tuesday to Sunday, 12-16. Closed on Mondays, New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day.